Individuality: A Fantasy or A Reality
How Your Individuality or Lack Thereof Can Shape Your Relationship?
“Mun Tu Shudam, Tu Mun Shudi.”
It is a Farsi Quote by the Sufi musician, poet and author Amir Khusrau. It translates as I’ve become you, and you me. This portrays the merging of two people in one, and in a manner that you cannot differentiate one from another.
Is that actually possible?
Ever since I started dating, I was enchanted by the concept of two souls becoming one. I was always determined to have the changes that my partner sought in me because in my mind, those changes were the road to my objective of being one with my partner.
As enticing as the destination, the road wasn’t that easy. You see, during the honeymoon phases of the relationships, all you want to see is the person in front of you and not the one in the mirror. So, you give your all in attempting to become the best version for your partner. Slowly, despite having oneness as your objective, the changes become tedious and exhausting because there is only so much that you can do, right? This is not to discount the noble intentions that your partner has for you. They really want your best, and in doing so they may seem unintentionally overbearing. Now while you’re adapting alongside those changes, since you have had the objective in your mind, you never shared what exactly you were comfortable with. The communication is missing in this equation because you weren’t yourself aware where to draw the line. Many a times, the line was both crossed and respected by your partner.
I’m sure you must have felt the same at least once in your relationship. That in itself suggests that the feeling of being in a state of constant change can bring up the issue of an identity crisis. You’re not able to know who you actually are.
Are you the person with those changes, or the one you were when you were struggling to adapt to them?
The answer is both. As human beings, we are petrified of the changes life brings to us. We suspect everything that is out of the ordinary. It is through these changes our individuality is being formed and flourished.
The most important question that you have to ask yourself is,
“Have those changes made you a better person without meddling with your core values and interests?”
If your answer resonates in positive, you should accept those changes without blaming the other person for bringing them in you because they were nothing more than means to your end. Your current position in your life is a reflection of the individual you have become. Take a stroll through the memory lane and see if your present is better than your past.
Your individuality ensures your identity and independence in the relationship. It allows the diversity to be brought into the relationship. It makes both of you more aware of the differences and ensures respect for the same.
Having said that, it is essential that while maintaining your individuality, you let the other person have the expression too. It would be wrong for you to expect your partner to tiptoe around you regarding their emotions because they’re afraid of transgressing your individuality. You should not live a fantasy version of your individuality where you would not have to deal with difficult conversations or have an argument during conflict. Instead, focus on your you-ness. Ensure that you have a Me-time schedule. Keep in touch with your close friends and family to remind you of your roots. Also, keep in mind that there can occur some rare hiccups in the form of obligations in realizing your individuality. Weigh them out and execute accordingly without getting frustrated in the process. With all of this, maintain a balance and compatibility with your partner by keeping the communication routes open.
Two people with their individualities in a relationship are like branches from the same tree. They may grow in different directions but they choose to be together irrespective of their differences.